Wednesday, April 28, 2010

A little vanity

I came across some old photos of Jim and me yesterday. We were dating at the time. We were smitten. We were in our own little world of love where we believed there was never a more attractive, happy, in love couple than we were. We knew we would someday get married.

While looking at these photos it also occurred to me how much time I put into my appearance back then. I busied myself with blushing, tanning, whitening, curling, lotioning, polishing, and plucking. I'm lucky if I get a shower now-a-days. I kind of miss the old Leslie. The pre-kids Leslie. For one, she was thinner and didn't have battle wounds (stretch marks) from having babies. I miss my old jean size. Maybe it's vanity, but I think I might try and invite some of the old Leslie back into my life.

I, like so many other moms, put my own personal appearance on the back burner, and focus on my kids. It's completely normal for me to go out with Tralee and Hunter both in cute clothes, hair both done, and looking put together while I'm in my sweats with my hair (that needs to be washed) pulled back in a pony tail. I figure most people will be looking at my cute kids, not me. The same goes with food. I'll prepare two plates for the kids at meal-time, making sure I have every food group properly portioned out. Then I turn around and grab whatever is easiest for me to eat quickly. I need to care about myself again. I always feel better about myself when I make a little effort. I know Jim will appreciate it too.

Jim ALWAYS comments positively if I put on a skirt, or slap a bit of make-up on before he comes home. He loves it when I wear skirts, and I usually only wear them on Sundays for church. I used to wear skirts all the time (like back when these pictures where taken), but they just don't seem practical now. I mean, how can I wear a skirt while climbing a jungle gym apparatus to help Tralee get down? I'll flash everyone my underroos if I wear a skirt. Maybe I should invest in some leggings to solve the problem. The point is, I need to take a little time to feel pretty again. I just feel like Mom. I love the role of Mom, but while playing this roll I've neglected Leslie. She needs a little TLC from me too. I'm gonna start working on it. My first goal is to fit comfortably into my pre-pregnancy jeans again. They fit now, but not comfortably. So. . . it's an achievable goal (I hope).

Hopefully before long I'll feel like the old me again. I know I'll never look that young again, and my body will always show traces of pregnancy, but I want to feel like I felt back when these photos were taken. I felt great. Maybe it was new love. Maybe it was the effort I made. Maybe it was because I was ten years younger, and didn't have kids to wake me up too early, wipe their boogers on me, and throw tantrums while leaving the park. Whatever it was, I want it (at least some of it) back.


Hannah S said...

No, I dont' think it's vain at all. I think it's vanity when it consumes you and obsess about it like some women do. You do look gorgeous and tan! I see a lot of Tralee in you.
I too miss those days. It makes me sad when people see my wedding photos or video and they say, "You are SO beautiful". I used to take it as a compliment now it's just, "why don't you look the same?" I wear glasses and whatever is comfortable at the time. Make-up only on Sundays. Why do I bother trying to impress people at church bcse if they were to come over during the week they'd see the "real" me. sigh. I can totally relate. Wish we could be walking buddies! You sure Jim doesnt' want to go to school in Provo???

Necha said...

Well I think you are equally as beautiful now as you were then. But I know what you mean. I am in my pj's now actually. I have gained weight since I got married and had kiddos. And I fill my kids plates with fruits and veggies, and don't add any more myself. (boo on me!) I really need to work on it too.

Mary Ann Carlile said...

Hear, hear sister! I am jealous that you fit into your pre-pregnancy pants! I have another 15 to go for that! Anywho, I agree with this entire post...take some time for yourself, woman! And you are as beautiful now too!