Monday, April 15, 2013

Windy Day -- Old Video

I miss the days when my kids were four and two and were home with me full time.  It seems like it was a simpler time.  I miss their younger voices.  I miss the way Hunter used to call me Mama instead of belting out, "MOM!" when he needed something.  I miss Tralee's little speech impediments (although I am glad she's worked her way out of them).  I miss Tralee's jokes that didn't make any sense, but she found hilarious.  I know there was A LOT about that time I complained about, but looking back, I still miss it.  I found this old video I took on my phone from 2011, and it melted my heart.  All the things I miss are present in it, and it makes me wish I could freeze time. . . or at least slow it down.

I'm so proud of my children.  I'm so proud that Tralee's becoming a competent little reader, and is constantly interested in learning new things.  I'm proud that Hunter is growing into a proper little student in pre-school this year (although sitting still for longer than 30 seconds is not his strong-suit).  I'm proud that Hunter is just as eager as his big sister in his new discoveries.  But all this growing and learning and becoming dependent individuals makes this mama's heart pine a little bit.  I'm pining for those simple days when we had to look for activities to keep us busy, instead of having the activities already mapped out for us.  I know as each of my children grow up some more, our days will get busier.  I know this.  It's what I signed up for.  It just goes by so fast.  I suppose that's why I'm so grateful for modern technology so I can capture the sweet moments my little ones grace me with.  I'll probably come back and watch videos like this the first time Hunter's voice breaks into a manly grunt, or the first time Tralee pulls her hand away when I try to hold it in public.  These moments grow closer everyday, so I need to remind myself constantly to treasure the days I have with my babes.  Even when the house is constantly untidy and my "me" time is virtually nonexistent.  I remain grateful that Hunter's voice is still cute, soft, and little, and Tralee still lets me hold her hand as I walk her to school.  Things are good today, and I know they'll still be good when my children grow into teenagers, and then into adults.  They'll just be a different kind of good.

This post began with me just wanting to share a video, and it became something else entirely.  I'm afraid I'm a bit sentimental and get lost in the past a little sometimes, and then wonder about the future too much as well.  That's not to say I don't appreciate the here and now.  Even as I type this I'm listening to the wee ones play pretend.  I love listening to their voices announce, "Pretend I'm going to jump into the water" followed by the sound of someone jumping off the bed.  I love how before they do anything in their pretend play they say, "Pretend this" or "Pretend that."  I also enjoy being invited into their imaginary world, although sometimes I think I should play in it with them more than I do.  I love their hugs, and kisses, and cuddles.  I love the pictures I'm gifted by them at least five times a day. I love them today, I loved them yesterday, and I'll love them for an eternity of days after.  That's just how it goes.

Now. . . for the video that started my rambles: