I miss the days when my kids were four and two and were home with me full time. It seems like it was a simpler time. I miss their younger voices. I miss the way Hunter used to call me Mama instead of belting out, "MOM!" when he needed something. I miss Tralee's little speech impediments (although I am glad she's worked her way out of them). I miss Tralee's jokes that didn't make any sense, but she found hilarious. I know there was A LOT about that time I complained about, but looking back, I still miss it. I found this old video I took on my phone from 2011, and it melted my heart. All the things I miss are present in it, and it makes me wish I could freeze time. . . or at least slow it down.
I'm so proud of my children. I'm so proud that Tralee's becoming a competent little reader, and is constantly interested in learning new things. I'm proud that Hunter is growing into a proper little student in pre-school this year (although sitting still for longer than 30 seconds is not his strong-suit). I'm proud that Hunter is just as eager as his big sister in his new discoveries. But all this growing and learning and becoming dependent individuals makes this mama's heart pine a little bit. I'm pining for those simple days when we had to look for activities to keep us busy, instead of having the activities already mapped out for us. I know as each of my children grow up some more, our days will get busier. I know this. It's what I signed up for. It just goes by so fast. I suppose that's why I'm so grateful for modern technology so I can capture the sweet moments my little ones grace me with. I'll probably come back and watch videos like this the first time Hunter's voice breaks into a manly grunt, or the first time Tralee pulls her hand away when I try to hold it in public. These moments grow closer everyday, so I need to remind myself constantly to treasure the days I have with my babes. Even when the house is constantly untidy and my "me" time is virtually nonexistent. I remain grateful that Hunter's voice is still cute, soft, and little, and Tralee still lets me hold her hand as I walk her to school. Things are good today, and I know they'll still be good when my children grow into teenagers, and then into adults. They'll just be a different kind of good.
This post began with me just wanting to share a video, and it became something else entirely. I'm afraid I'm a bit sentimental and get lost in the past a little sometimes, and then wonder about the future too much as well. That's not to say I don't appreciate the here and now. Even as I type this I'm listening to the wee ones play pretend. I love listening to their voices announce, "Pretend I'm going to jump into the water" followed by the sound of someone jumping off the bed. I love how before they do anything in their pretend play they say, "Pretend this" or "Pretend that." I also enjoy being invited into their imaginary world, although sometimes I think I should play in it with them more than I do. I love their hugs, and kisses, and cuddles. I love the pictures I'm gifted by them at least five times a day. I love them today, I loved them yesterday, and I'll love them for an eternity of days after. That's just how it goes.
Now. . . for the video that started my rambles: