Real Princesses Don't Like Peas

Once upon a time there was a princess.

This princess wasn't aware of her royalness, but she was completely aware of the fact that she DID NOT like peas very much. Her mother, meaning well and trying to make sure her daughter ate a well rounded diet, tried to shovel copious amounts of peas down the princess's imperial throat. The princess and her throat, still unaware of their royalty, thwarted her mother's attempts by doing something not-so-princess-like. She and her throat gagged, and the peridot pellets of putridness, were regurgitated all over the dinner table. The princess was never force-fed peas again. Although on occasion, she would scrunch up her nose, and coerce one or two down, if she uncovered a pea in a salad when she was a guest at somebody's house for dinner. She didn't want to be rude, after all.

Many years went by, and this princess grew up to be a lovely young lady. As what often happens with lovely young ladies, she met and married a lovely young gentleman. They were wed in the palace of their dreams.

This princess, although still very unaware of her resplendentness, still felt very lucky and very majestic in her new wifely station. She and her husband even referred to each other as Queeny and Kingy.

After a few years of wedded bliss, our regal leading lady and her king decided to add an heir to their humble kingdom. While preparing for the arrival of their firstborn, the happy couple lovingly and carefully gathered toys, gowns, and books for their baby-to-be. One day, our fair maiden happened across a book, or rather, this book happened across our fair maiden. Book and Lady were drawn to one another, and as stories of this nature go, it was destined that this book should go home with the princess. And home with her it went.

Joined with her prince in their modest abode, Princess was anxious to read aloud the book she discovered for their baby-to-be, stating, "Let's read this book I discovered for our baby-to-be."

The tale was, The Princess and the Pea, by Lady Lauren Child. The princess in our tale was familiar with this story, as it was a favorite from her youth. However, it had been many years since she heard the story and she had never read this version. The narrative was magical and became even more so when our cardinal character read the last page in the book which affirmed:

"Peas were not served because, as everyone knows, real princesses are not especially fond of peas."

Ah-ha and alas!

Our fair maiden realized what had been true all along: she was a REAL princess. How else could you explain her disdain for peas? Even her prince, who knew of her dislike for the chartreuse circles of calamity, wondered aloud, "So that means, you must be a REAL princess!"

Though happy to discover of her princessness, our royal maiden did not change all that much. She stayed the same lovely lady that she always had been, as any real princess would. However, when she delivered her daughter, she couldn't help but wonder if she too would be of a royal nature. As it turns out, she was! As you can imagine, peas were not a favorable menu choice in their cookery.

A few years passed, three years and 10 months to be exact, since our princess birthed her beautiful royal heir into their anti-pea kingdom, when she came across a painting, or rather, a painting came across our princess. She was browsing the wondrous WWW when an image caught her eye.

Princess loved the artists and this piece of art and new it would be a gorgeous addition to her little lady's bedchamber, but it needed a little tweaking to make it the perfect addition. So the princess took it upon herself to create an inspired piece of art that would best decorate her damsel's den.

The favored factor of this artistic production was the placement of their princess credo:

"Real Princesses Don't Like Peas"

Once finished, the reproduction rested regally on the walls of the little princess's boudoir. The little lady loved her new illustration. Her mother, the princess, was as pleased as popcorn with the creation, and everyone lived happily ever after. . . and ate very few peas.

The Happy End