Pushy Pushy

Last night after dinner and FHE I decided to go work out at the Y. I was just about to get ready when our doorbell rang. A lady handed Jim a packet of "shout" detergent then said, "I have one more thing to show you!" and headed towards her car. She came back carrying a large box that said, "Kirby" on the outside.

"Oh great, we've been suckered in" I thought as the lady walked right into our living room, took a seat, and started unpacking the vacuum. Jim and I are nice people, probably too nice, so instead of coming right out and saying "We're not interested. Please leave." We let the lady start her demonstration. She asked me to vacuum with my vacuum then showed me all the dirt mine wasn't picking up. "WOW!" Jim and I said in our fakest I'm-not-really-that-interested voice.

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against Kirby vacuums, in fact I grew up using my parent's Kirby in their house. I just can't afford to shell out $1000 for one. I mean, the lady should have looked around our house and made that judgment on her own. Our small living room doesn't exactly scream "WE HAVE MONEY." Anyways, the lady slowly got from informative, to annoying, to down right pushy! She said things like,

"Do you know that the dirtiest place in your house is your bed?" Then she showed us pictures of dust mites and explained that the reason our breath smells in the morning is because the dust mites poop in our mouths all night long. "But with the Kirby, you can suck those critters right out of dodge!" (Okay, she didn't really use that phrasing, but it was still pretty comical.) Jim and I kept rolling our eyes at one-another and laughing when the lady wasn't looking. She kept vacuuming and in between emptying out the cartridge that showed us how much dust and dirt we were living with she would spout out information about dirt, dust mites, and the Kirby vacuum. Then she would say, "How do you feel about that?"

"You mean how do I feel about dust mite poop? Pretty sad."

After about 20 minutes or so Jim politely explained that I had plans to go to the Y, and we just weren't interested. I think this only spurred her on. She said, "You mean, you're willing to let your daughter crawl around in this?" while pointing to the pile of dust the Kirby sucked out of our carpet. Jim's answer was, "Well, she's crawled in worse." The lady looked shocked at his reply, but didn't stop pushing the vacuum.

She started out offering us the Kirby for $1595. That's a joke! Then she asked us "How much do you think the Kirby's worth?" We told her "$1595." She looked at us like we were stupid and repeated, "Yes, but HOW much to you think it's WORTH?" We looked right back at her and said, "You told us the price is $1595, and we can't afford it!" The lady then explained that because of a special deal, she could finance us and offer the Kirby for only $1000. When we declined she put in a special call to her "boss" and came back with the price of $795. I was upstairs at this point getting into my work-out clothes. I heard her offer this price to Jim and when Jim declined she said, "I'll just wait for your wife to come down, and I'll offer that price to her." Uh, as if I'm going to say yes! I don't THINK SO!

Jim and I later decided how funny it would have been for us to start a huge argument over it. I would say, "Oh yes! That's the best offer, we'll take it!" Jim's response would be. "Now just wait a minute, I don't work hard all day to have you spend our money because you don't want bugs crapping in your mouth!!" I would scream, "They're not BUGS! They're MITES! And I hope one craps in your mouth tonight!!" I would ran upstairs crying while Jim said to the lady, "You better leave! I have some business to take care of!" While glaring up in my direction. Oh well, we thought of this prank too late. Maybe next time. The lady said she also sells Cutco knives, so maybe when she comes knocking on our door with those we'll be able to debut our acting skills then.

It took a while to get the lady out, but I still managed to go work out at the Y. Don't get me wrong, if Jim and I had thousands of dollars laying around I might have purchased the Kirby. I just think it's a little silly to put a vacuum on a payment plan, which is what the vacuum lady was all ready to do for us. No thanks. It was an amusing night, and I managed to get in a good workout, so not a total waist.